ARTICLE THREE:
BARGAINING AND DEPRESSION
How Can I Get Relief or Feel Better?
We’re continuing the series on the range of emotions and behaviors stepcouples struggle with as they adjust from a romantic twosome to solid stepcouple and stepfamily. The next stage is BARGAINING – seeking ways to escape or looking for the cure.
This brings up vivid memories. I remember lying in bed at night dreaming up ways to get relief from our two sets of kids, who we had 24/7. I thought maybe our exes could take them more often, which I knew was impossible. Maybe I could find after school programs and camps for our 5 kids, somewhat feasible, but not very. At the end of my rope, I thought maybe a boarding school would work. Isn’t there someplace I can get relief? I owned the pity pot…that’s for sure. These feelings were particularly bad after arguments with the kids or with my husband about the kids.
I amused myself during those long sleepless nights planning my husband’s and my next getaway during the rare window when the kids weren’t with us. Those times together were wonderful, but we always had to come home to guess what – same old, same old.
I thought of running away or getting a job outside the house, but I needed to stay at home and take care of the kids! I was trapped.
The pressure was building and taking its toll on our romantic relationship. What happened to that glow? We’d find ourselves being negative and sarcastic with each other, openly fighting, or dishing out the silent treatment. The topic was always the same – THE KIDS. He’d side with his kids, and I’d side with mine. We were not being good models for blending a family.
Bargaining wasn’t working, so I slipped into DEPRESSION. I FELT LIKE A FAILURE. I wasn’t keeping my promises to cherish and care for the kids. I felt sad and angry a lot. I was drinking a little too much wine at night. The kids were seeking attention in numerous negative ways. No one was happy. It felt like we were at the bottom of a hole struggling to claw our way out.
Then one day after complaining to a friend, she brought it to my attention. She asked “What did you expect?” She went on to say “You married a man with kids. He’s going to love and protect his kids, no matter what! And furthermore, be glad that he’s a loving dad”. She nailed me! I asked her “BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?” She didn’t answer.
That did it! I got it that it wasn’t about me. I was supposed to be the adult, but I certainly wasn’t acting or feeling like one. I needed to grow up and change my attitude.
That was my first step toward adjustment and acceptance.
The final two articles in this series will be focusing specifically on how stepcouples can grow together and raise healthy children – his, hers, and theirs in a blended family. If done with love, respect and mutual support, I can’t think of anything more ROMANTIC! Can you?
About The Author
Susan Wisdom, LPC
http://www.stepcoupling.com
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Have a great day!
Spa Tourist Information
by: Meredith Booney
The little town of Spa with a population of less than 11000 is a city of many distinctions. It is located in the Belgian province of Liège. People who live in Spa are proud of their little town because it has been acknowledged with many “firsts” in the world. It is Europe’s oldest health resort. It is the world’s first casino. No prizes for guessing that the word “spa” in English originates from this place in Belgium.
The thermal springs in Spa, well known by the 16th century came to be the pride of the upper class by the late 18th century. Kings and people of high esteem like Tsar Peter of Russia, King Leopold II of Belgium, Emperor Joseph II of Austria and writers like Alexandre Dumas and Victor Hugo came to take the waters of Spa. With a fascinating and lengthy history, Spa was nicknamed as “The Cafe of Europe” due to its remarkable flow of visitors who came from near and far to get treated by the natural waters of Spa. Today the town has become eponymous with any place having a natural source of water, believed to have therapeutic and health boosting properties.
Though Spa does not attract as many important personalities and celebrities now, its bottled mineral water “Spa” is one of the major sellers in Benelux, Denmark and the UK. Spa boasts of a fabulous countryside. Renting a mountain bike is common here as is cross-county skiing and ice-skating in winter. Spa is also well known for the Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps, which hosts the annual Formula One Belgian Grand Prix. A pride of Belgium, this town is also known as the “Pearl of the Ardennes.”
Places of interest:
Thermes de Spa is a famous Spa center that can pamper you and cast your worries and stress away as you surrender yourself to the peace and pleasure of the elaborate Turkish baths, the royal Jacuzzi, the grand swimming pools and the mud baths to tone your face and improve your complexion. Indulging yourself in the Spa will not only relax you and calm those nerves but you will also feel healthy because the natural water has therapeutic properties to cure you of illnesses like swelling joints, blood pressure and rheumatism.
The famous Leopold II gallery is a typical late 19th century gallery that can be found in most health resorts. There are a total of 160 columns to support the metal roof with a wooden ceiling. Initially, it was wonderfully decorated and lit with gas lanterns.
The Laundry museum consists of 25 rooms which depicts the evolution of washing machines from Antiquity to the present era. You will be amazed to see the functionality of ancient washing machines, the ironing method and the processes involved with washing clothes during the ancient times. You also get to learn about the history of the soap and the laundry industry.
The parc de sept heures (The seven o’ Clock Park) is quite famous for tourists as it is an age old attraction. For more than three hundred years, there have been visitors who have come here for their evening walks past sunset.
There are numerous famous ‘pouhons’ in SPA. A ‘pouhon’ is the native word for ‘water well’. Two of the famous wells are the ‘Pouhon Prince-de-Condé’ and ‘Pouhon Pierre Le Grand’. The second one was named after the Russian Tsar Peter the Great, who had visited Spa to take the waters of the Spa to his place.
Things to do:
The old-fashioned town offers the tourists a lot of leisurely pursuits. The abundant landscape and the charming beauty of the city is a treat to the visitors. Interesting restaurants and shops offer things which surprise tourists pleasantly. If you are taking a tour to watch the Pouhon Pierre Le Grand, then you may as well go inside and look at the large painting which shows the pictures of the guests which were there during the time of Tsar Peter the Great.
You can also come to the Bath House for healing and curing baths. There are baths in water containing carbonic acid which is therapeutic and there are also different kinds of beauty treatments and health massage given for to relax the tension in different parts of the body. You can also take a stroll to the Villa de la Reine Marie-Henriette (wife of Leopold II, Belgium’s second king). The villa now houses the police station, the court and two museums. One of the museum display horses. The horse incidentally was the most important animal during those times on which aristocrats and eminent people would come to visit Spa. The second museum “Musée de la Ville d’Eaux” houses painted wooden objects that serve as souvenirs of Spa. Interesting the word souvenir has found its origins in Spa.
To get a slice of history, especially the World War, you should visit the Hôtel Brittanique. Once upon a time, the headquarters of the German Kaiser during the occupation of the First World War, it is now a boarding school. The evenings can be spent in grand style in idyllic surroundings as you take a walk along the Seven O’ Clock Park. It is also known as the Park Royale. By the way, you also cannot afford to miss other delights like a ride in the sight seeing train and visiting the Sunday flea market.
Food and Drink:
You have heard it all along that Belgians take to beer like fish to water. However the fact is a bit overrated because Belgians like healthy drinks and beer is a favorite of many. However nobody can deny that there is no substitute in the world to the healthiest drink in the world-water! Spa is the proud manufacturer of one of the most famous brands of mineral water in the world, called SPA. There is another famous brand of mineral water called “Chaudfontaine”, named after the adjoining town of the same name.
The SPA water was already being exported in the 16th century and one of the chief patrons was the king of France, Henry III. A water exporting company called SPA-MONOPOLE was formed just prior to the First World War. It still commands a monopoly as the only exporting company of quality and healthy spa water.
People in Spa actually like to drink to their health (no pun intended) whether it is mineral water or beer. As far as dishes are concerned, the citizens patronize the regular Belgian variety. They love their fries with mussels, eel in green sauce, rabbit with plums and meat balls with “rabbit sauce.”
Hotel and Accommodation:
Radisson SAS Balmoral
Radisson SAS Palace Hotel
Hotel le Relais
Hotel Villa des Fleurs
Hotel La Heid des Pairs
Entertainment:
The Grand Prix of Belgium enlivens the three ‘e’s in the minds of people-excitement, emotion and entertainment. The Spa-Francorchamps circuit comes alive as the stirring of the F1 cars echoes through the Valley of Ardennes. It is not just a sporting event, but it is a time for great vacation as people from near and far flock to Spa to watch the thrill unfold. In fact the Spa-Francorchamps circuit is one of the last true natural circuits for F1 races with some part of the track making use of the public highway. The latest information however, is that the local authorities are performing some maintenance and repair work in Spa Francorchamps. Hence, the Belgian Grand Prix will not feature this year in the Formula One World Championship. However the race is very much expected to be there in the year 2007
Another entertaining event in Spa is the Francofolies de Spa. This is the most important musical event of the French speaking populace in Belgium. It is a fun filled event which calls for family and friendly gatherings. There is a sense of euphoria and well-being as smiles and pleasantries are exchanged in Spa, in the whole of summer.
Who can forget the casino of spa? For the gambling aficionados, this is the casino to be, to play in the oldest casino in the world. The prince-bishop of Liege started this casino in the 18th century. If you are a shopping fanatic, then you can head off to the flea market of the Leopold Gallery on Sunday morning. They are open up to 2 pm in the afternoon. Spa is a town which promises an environment fostering enthusiasm and exhilaration.
About The Author
Meredith Booney is a freelance travel writer with over 20 years of experience writing for travel journals, newspapers and magazines. Belgium Tourist Information. Website: http://www.belgiumcities.info
